I survived. I have an incision as long as the great wall of Communism, but I survived.
My doctor erred in her first attempt to close the incision, after removing the "lump", and I had to seek treatment at a top notch veteran's facility that, as you can imagine, understood the need for closing a Super Spy Dog's incision with Adamantium stitches. I blew the gut stitches out the first time I jumped after a commie squirrel.
Yes, friends, I am very much alive.
The doctor called yesterday. The lump was benign, she said. HA! It wasn't benign to begin with. Some covert commie spy grafted that horribly malignant and aggressive tumor near my manhood after drugging me heavily while I was most vulnerable, undoubtedly whilst I was making sweet love. The medical name for the type of tumor is Marxinoma. Fortunately for me, my Super Immune System easily defeated that unholy lump of Dialectical Materialism. My starred and striped antibodies pounded the unnatural red cells with surgically precise FNA bombs. Yes, friends, FreedoNucleic Acid. So far FNA has only been found in my body. You can bet that my friends at the DOD have been studying it for years.
I will live to love my Sainted Mother another day.
More later,
B
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And I'm proud to be an American where at least I know I'm free.
A blog about the constant threat of communism, my fat whore of a sister, and how pleasing a brindle and white coat is to the ladies.
The Author
And I'm proud to be an American where at least I know I'm free.
8 comments:
Great news, Billy!
I'm sure that you took the necessary precautions to insure that some other Communist gizmo wasn't implanted in you during the surgery... It does come as no surprise that the tumor was Marxist.
Dear Commie-thwarter,
I, too, must undergo the knife. Osama has implanted a commie device behind my left leg that continues to grow and grow. It might turn out to be the source of the negative atmospheric glow over my house.
My surgery isn't for a month, but keep the faith and say a prayer, brother.
Maximillian the Valliant
Oh, Billy, I'm swooning with relief--we were all pretty worried at our house, but we knew you'd come through fine to love your sainted mother another day.
Lefty,
I'm no amateur. Thanks for looking out for me, though.
Max,
I'll be thinking of you. I can only hope that your commie device will prove less insipid than mine.
Pip,
Next time I'm injected with a strain of anthrax/ebola/marxanoma developed by the dastardly minds of the Gorbachev era, I hope you'll remember that it's nothing to worry about. I'm a red-blooded American man. Remember, I did this all without benefit of anesthesia, holding only a small strip of rawhide between my manly and plentiful teeth.
B
Hey happy news! Glad everything is okay.
Bussie Kissies
Buster
Waging the battle against the feline forces in the War on Terrierism
Glad your lump was okay Billy - that's a big relief ! I have to go back for my 6 week check up tomorrow to make sure my yucky lump hasn't come back - mine was cancerous and it was huge - but I hope it won't come back ! Very glad that you are okay :-)
Love
Opy
dear billy,
i'm barely 10 months old but your stories intrigue me so. what's an agent? what are the benefits like? any insurance coverage for employment hazards like said implant?
lastly, do you get to wear a cape all the time?
loves,
fee
Billy my dog! where are you? The dog community is starting to worry. Post! tell us what is happening or at least come to my blog and tell me you're alright!
M-the-V
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