Thursday, September 04, 2008

On Treason

Friends, you haven't heard for me for a while. Although you may have wondered after my health, I know the majority of you realize that my goings-on are matters of national security and hence quite confidential. However, a goodly portion of my time away has been spent trying to convince My Beloved Mommy that she should have my Fat Whoore of a Sister euthanized.

Let me explain. Twice this year, my friends, twice the fat whoore has "come down with the cancer." This "cancer" has both times been of the 24 hour variety, as both times she has made a trip to some fictitious animal cancer clinic and returned victoriously "cured." Honestly, the money spent carving fake tumors out of her dull, listless hide could have been spent supporting our fearless John McCain in his bid for the presidency, or underwriting programs to recruit more young republican voters!

I digress.

The reason for my return to this blog is not my fat whoore of a sister. It is not My Beloved Mommy's failure to see a con artist when such an artist is sitting black and tan in front of her face. The purpose of this posting is a request for advice.

As you know, from time to time MY BELOVED MOMMY brings me into the office to help her get 'er done. I am, of course, a well recognized savant in MBM's chosen career. Today is one of those days. My fat whoore of a sister is off getting her nasty ass coat cleaned, and I am helping MBM (May The Baby Jesus Smile Upon Her). I have heretofore enjoyed these visits very much. However, I believe I have just uncovered evidence that MBM (May I Swallow My Tongue For Saying This) may be a commie. It's true.

Only moments ago, MY BELOVED MOMMY (Please, Holy Spirit, Do Not Let This Be True) tried to trap me in a metal box! She claimed she had to "potty" in said box, and asked me to come in with her. I flatly refused. I sat down and turned my back to her. I know better. Potty is done outside, not inside a narrow, metal box with a sinister lock upon it. Friends, please help me decide what to do.