Thank you all for your heartfelt encouragement. Although this brindle stud is accustomed to attention, the comments from sophisticated doggers are always appreciated.
<-Here's a little fuel for the fires of your devotion.
On the Interloper.
My new daddy (the "Interloper") is a socialist. He's European, which means only two things: (1) he is not sufficiently grateful that we saved his arse in WWII; and (2) he's skating along the dangerous abyss, dabbling in Socialism and (gasp) Communism. I thought I had forever rid my home and sainted mother of his filthy clutches just last week, leaving me time to address my many fans and lie at the feet of my Sainted Mother (who, it can never be said enough, has the voice of an angel). Imagine my dismay, nay, disgust, my friends, when I found him returned only Friday night. He was, it seems, away on a "business trip."
Friends, you and I know the French do not work. They are a lazy, shifty people. This "business trip" can only mean one thing: the Interloper has fallen into the crevasse of Communism. He is at the very least a dirty pinko and I fear he may be a full blown red.
Exhibit A
When he first moved here in a disgustingly transparent attempt to woo my Sainted Mother, he wore very tight jeans. Although she quickly informed him that this fashion faux pas would not do, the fact that it "did" for him is evidence of Eastern European or Fascist roots. Only the Russians and Germans wear tight jeans.
Exhibit B
He does not speak good English. This in and of itself should be sufficient evidence supporting my theory.
Exhibit C
He repeatedly and shamelessly defiles my Sainted Mother, a prime example of the American Dream, with his woefully inadequate props. I have photographic evidence of this one, too graphic to post to the internet.
In short, friends, the time has come to take action. As I formulate my plan to rid my home of the Interloper and this fair nation of a Communist threat, I may be less than available. Your comments, especially as they may pertain to removing the Interloper from my turf, are very much appreciated.
xo,
B
9 comments:
Billy,
I have given this some thought of late and have come to a conclusion: that your Sainted Mother appears rational in all instances with the Interloper being the only exception one can only assume some sort of Communist mind control. What his ultimate goal is, one can only fear...
My suggestion is to guard your Sainted Mother at all times, perhaps even enlist the support of your sister and those feline things. Do not allow her to drink or eat anything given to her by the Interloper.
Billy, I am worried that this situation goes much deeper than what you see at your home. For all of our sake, please remain viligant.
Lefty
PS Being 'vigilant' would probably be even more helpful.
Lefty,
Wisely put. I of course remain at all times both vigilant and viligant. My fat whoore of a sister, however, will be no help at all. She is currently working on reopening an incision, which consumes all of her time. Besides, she'd probably get confused and start attacking one of the cats.
B
Hey Billy,
How can the Interloper be both a fascist and a communist? My buddy Renzo is reading up on this. I"m a little worried about him--he seems to be saying lots of things about bones being the opiate of the masses. Should I be worried?
Pippin
Pippin,
The fascists and the commies are friends. He's one or the other. I'm sure of it. Have Renzo give me a call. He and I need to talk. Bones may be the opiate of the masses, but I worry more about ball flingers. You should see how mindlessly my fat whoore of a sister chases that damn ball.
Billy
Oh dear ! This is all too much for me - I better go and have a cookie :-)
Maybe leave him some pee-mail ?
Love
Opy
What you mean a bug? do you mean somethink bad???
Sounds like a "Poo-Shoe" is required:-) Leave one in his loafers - that will fix him:-)
Charlie and Opy,
Great plans.
B
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