On Canine Good Citizens and the Interloper Study Group

You may or may not have heard recently from my sainted mother (peace be upon her) that my fat whore of a sister (may she rot in hell) just *cough* earned *cough* her Canine Good Citizen certificate, passing the tests with flying colors. Well, my friends, those colors run, unlike my fat whore of a sister (msrih), who really kind of slides about like salted slug.

Sometimes my mother (pbuh) is really deluded. Canine Good Citizen??? Who is she trying to kid? Everybody can get that. EVERYBODY. Not only is it the most mediocre sounding award I have ever heard of, but it is also a mere piece of paper. That's right. No stars, stripes, shining metal on an immaculate white coat, military music, tear jerking hymn singing, brindle on bitch action, er... where were we? She can pretty much keep her Poodle Certified Jerk tabloid extract. I have THREE purple hearts, one Medal of Honor, four silver stars, and 1,234 Distinguished Barking Crosses. None of these medals would look even remotely good on a crap and tar, I mean black and tan coat. I am sick and tired of putting up with her (msrih) and/or the Interloper (may his pathetic shriveled wiener disappear entirely in a random quantum fluctuation).

Some people have been heavily criticizing me on the way I conduct the eviction process. This brings me to my second topic. When I said earlier "We are winning this war", I really meant "We are going to win this war". By we, I mean my sainted mother (pbuh) and myself (pbum). So, We have been stuck with my fat whore of a sister (msrih) for how long? Seven years? And how long have we been stuck with the interloper (mhpswdeiarqf)? 18 months? I think calling it a quagmire is stretching the truth in a very LIE-beral kind of way. Nonetheless, I have decided to pay heed to the will of the American People and read the Interloper Study Group Report on the (Cold) nose war.

There are two kind of things amongst the 79 pieces of worthless commie advice in that brilliant piece of intellectual onanism. First, ideas that would lead to a victory at home. Well, DUH. I have already come up with those, which is, by the way, why we are going to win this war. I mean, these ideas are merely excerpts from my speeches. The second kind is ideas that would lead to a defeat at home. Defeat being defined here as having the black thingy and the yellow bastard stay. I reject these ideas entirely as the ejaculations of godless cowards they are. Some of them were written in French, I kid you not. I had to sanitize my nose after reading it.

Now, having read the ISGR, and having considered its proposals, I am pushing forward my idea of a surge of brindle to control the situation.

Thank you, and God Bless My Beloved Mommy, These Stars and Stripes, and The AmeriCAN Way.

Bark (1,235 DBC's)